Are my fears not allowing God to bless me?

Passage 1 Samuel 12

I have recently discovered that once again I am battling fear.  I have had a war with fear before regarding the adoption of our daughter.  But the fear I am battling right now is one of commitment and trust.

I’ve been feeling isolated and depressed again for the past couple of months.  I have fear about trusting that God’s plan is to prosper me and not to harm me.  Fear leads to a need to control which allows God unable to work through me and in me.   In my Celebrate Recovery Bible it says,

“Recovery is the path for healing sin’s damage so that we can experience the blessings our heavenly Father is anxious to pour into our lives.”

For me my path to healing is from hurts and distrust in my marriage.  I want to experience blessings from God and I know He is anxious to do this for me but I am scarred and feel numb.  I am afraid things won’t change.  I am afraid that my husband won’t ever be fully restored from his porn addiction. He has overcome so much but there are still hang ups in his way.  I am fearful that if I stay committed it’s just a commitment that will hurt me over and over.  However I can tell you that I don’t think God would have allowed all the blessings in our lives and all the miracles especially that of the adoption if He did not fully intend to restore us both TOGETHER.

I don’t want to be like Saul and hide in the luggage when God is about to make to take an important position. I don’t want to hide in a cave or a pit when I could be days away from seeing victory. I don’t want to see someone else do something that God intended me to do. I don’t want God to pass me by because of my fear.  I want to be more like David, a person after God’s own heart.  I figure since I am a harpist I am half way there no?  (joke).  I want to fear the Lord but not what the Lord has in store for me.  I need to trust Him.

14 If you fear   the Lord and serve and obey him and do not rebel   against his commands, and if both you and the king who reigns over you follow the Lord your God—good! ~ 1 Samuel 12

God has done great things for me, I know that, just look at our family photo and you can see.  There wasn’t a family photo 3 years ago and because of God and the great things He has done for us you can see it in a picture and that’s just one good thing God has done for us.  I have a prayer journal full of many answered prayers.

24 But be sure to fear   the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart;   consider   what great   things he has done for you. ~ 1 Samuel 12

 So now the question is as our Worship Pastor Rob challenged us this morning, “Will your fear alter your circumstances or will our circumstances alter our fear?”

Will I be like Saul and give up just moments too soon?

Saul remained at Gilgal, and all the troops with him were quaking   with fear. 8 He waited seven   days, the time set by Samuel; but Samuel did not come to Gilgal, and Saul’s men began to scatter. 9 So he said, “Bring me the burnt offering and the fellowship offerings.” And Saul offered   up the burnt offering. 10 Just as he finished making the offering, Samuel  arrived, and Saul went out to greet  him.

11 “What have you done?” asked Samuel. ~ 1 Samuel 13

Or will I stand still and see what God’s going to do and face my ‘Goliath’ (FEAR).

45 David said to the Philistine, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin,   but I come against you in the name   of the Lord Almighty, the God …~1 Samuel 17

16 “Now then, stand still   and see   this great thing the Lord is about to do before your eyes! ~ 1 Samuel 12

in the clay,

Chantal Dube

#Fear #Saul #blessings #Husband #God #Samuel #clay