So some amazing things have happened since I was on 100 Huntley Street back in December. I have learned more about myself by being on the show than what I could have even shared during my interview. It’s been a new season of choosing joy and willingly making sacrifices for God.
I had a let down in March. I thought God had a plan for us that once again I was wrong about. By God’s grace I was able to be very disciplined and held accountable by my close friends to continue to choose joy even in the midst of my trial. I was tested and God rewarded me with a promise that He had a better plan for me.
Little did I know that the plan was for me to become a tummy mummy. Most know we adopted our first child. She is the most precious gift that God could have ever blessed us with. I really thought that was all He was willing to bless us with. I felt so forsaken by God in the pregnancy department. I honestly didn’t think He cared.
I couldn’t believe the result of the test. So many years of peeing on the stick I would wait thinking maybe it takes a while to show a positive result. This time I saw the plus sign appear instantly…I laughed out loud even though the house was empty, than I walked to the living room, sat down and cried and laughed again. Of course I had to wait to tell my husband in person so I phoned a friend…she cried too. We couldn’t believe it. I still can’t believe it.
After it all finally sank in I began asking God, why? Why now? Why ever? I didn’t think YOU cared!
While getting ready to attend a week of family camp at Joy Bible Camp I began to pray that God would give me answers while we were there. I prayed that whoever this amazing Pastor Terry Sanderson was that God would give him a word just for me. I also prayed that my husband would have peace and not worry or be so afraid. You see my husband stood helplessly by the sidelines as he watched me struggle with depression, grief and suicidal thoughts before we adopted our daughter. He didn’t want to ever see that again and he was afraid. I on the other hand had peace about the pregnancy because I remembered what God had promised me back in March, that He had a better pan for me. So I knew that we were going to be ok. My biggest question was why?
Pastor Terry announced on Sunday that we would spend the week talking about miracles…ok I thought here we go! On Tuesday he talked about the storm in Mark 4:35-41.
Jesus Calms the Storm
35 That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” 36 Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. 37 A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. 38 Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”
39 He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
40 He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”
41 They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!”
He talked about how storms are inevitable, but Jesus has overcome. Storms are impartial, personal, unpredictable and appointed. He asked us at the beginning of the week that if we had one miracle we could ask God for what would it be? I of course wanted to jump out of my chair and say, I just got my miracle! But than he made the most important point…the one thing I had asked God for, the answer to my question. He said that the miracle is not that He calmed the storm but that He brought the storm. WOW….it all finally clicked for me. The miracle was inside me yes, I am pregnant, but the bigger miracle is that God did not allow me to become pregnant for almost 10 years. God wanted us to experience and learn so many things first. One of those things was adoption, praise God for that! God appoints these storms for a reason. I can think of so many reasons looking back on everything now. I wondered if He even cared and I realize now that was cruel question. Before the adoption I wondered if Jesus was even in my boat. Than I figured out yes, He is my boat, but He is asleep and doesn’t care. I have had to ask God to forgive me for this thinking. In verse 40 Jesus says “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” Even after the adoption and the many miracles I saw first handily for that to all happen I still had little faith. That word STILL echo’s in my mind every time I doubt God now. I am glad it does, I just have to look down at my belly and into my daughter’s eyes and I am reminded of the power of God.
If you are feeling forsaken, or in the midst of a storm, please listen to this song. “Not For A Moment” God is much closer than you think. He never forsakes us even when you are feeling completely alone. He is constant, only good and sovereign. I will never forget that especially now. Today I got to hear the heart beat of a miracle in my tummy. I am now 15 weeks pregnant. I honestly didn’t think this could ever happen. I almost cry at the thought of it. I thought God had forsaken my plea for me to be a tummy mummy, but He didn’t. He just carried me down a different path than I expected. Every tear, every cry, in my hurt at my worst God did not forsake me. Maybe some Christians didn’t think I was living my life the way I should at times. But God never leaves a sheep behind, He just carries them when they wander off. People lose hope way too fast in those of us who wander. I did too. But God never gives up on us. He is faithful and my prayer for anyone feeling forsaken is that you feel His presence even though you don’t know His plan. Send me a message if you want me to pray for you. I sincerely will pray for you. Jesus is not moved by the storms in our life. Jesus is moved by prayer, don’t give up praying like I did. The miracle you think you want to see happen in your life may not be the miracle God has in mind for you or perhaps the lesson before the miracle is bigger than the miracle itself. Perhaps His timing is different than yours.
Someone at camp said to me that there must have been a lot of people praying for me on 100 Huntley Street after the show. I never even thought of that before. Thanks to all of those who prayed.
The first Sunday in church after I found out I was pregnant this was the passage the Pastor spoke about, it had also been our passage for our solitude time that week,
6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. ~ Hebrews 11
Enoch was indeed a man of faith.
in the clay,
Chantal Dube